You know that feeling when your sitting there, freaking out inside, but you just sit there trying to compose yourself? You can feel you heart beating against your rib cage, blood trying to push out of your ears. That's what stress does.
"It won't be that bad," she warned. But she didn't tell me I was going in alone. She told me we were partners, half and half, but it started to feel like I was getting pushed into all of the dirty work.
"I'm not doing that," I told her.
"You have no choice. He said it's you or no one. We can't get in any other way."
I didn't say anything right away while she stared at me. I wanted to say no. I wanted to overpower her glare, but it had no mercy over me. "There's no other way?" I asked, already knowing what the answer was.
"There's no other way Ollie." She was the only person to ever call me Ollie besides my parents. The situation I was in was a result of me trying to impress her. "You know you can be a real chicken shit sometimes. You told me once that you were fearless."
She was right, I did say that, but I didn't imagine what was happening.
"Think about all of the people we will disappoint. Think about how made we will be."
I finally worked up the courage to say, "Fine. I'll do it," but I didn't know if I actually would. It was more of a way to avoid dealing with the situation for a little bit.
"Just relax," she suggested. "Why do you have to be so tense all the time?"
I replied with a subtle shrug. "I guess it's just in my nature." I have pondered her suggestion, those simple words, 'just relax.' It seems so simple, yet it's impossible.
"Let's go to my place. I'll help you relax." She winked a naughty gesture. I knew exactly what was planning.
I least I thought I did.