Wednesday, August 25, 2010

All is a Stage

Life is a stage and everybody knows it. In every situation things change, our way of acting adjusts to fit the social needs at the time. It is the people who cannot act within the boundaries of the groups they associate with that never end up with social skills.

People fascinate me. The way they act, speak, form groups, friends, make decisions, it all just seems so animalistic. We are animals trying to suppress our animal traits; we are holding back our true selves.

Every situation, it starts to feel exhausting, changing your image, acts, and way of speech, to try to make the situation as beneficial as it can be. It is like hiding behind a mask, but without acting, life would not run smooth. Trying to get by with grades, impressing teachers with topics you think they will enjoy, rather than giving them a full true expression. When it’s work time my image changes to a hard motivated worker. It gets me by in a workplace that has more drama than an episode of the OC.

What about friends? You don’t act like you would to your boss as you would towards your friends and it’s vice versa with your boss.

Trying to comprehend what must be going on in someone else’s head is useless, yet I always try. Judging actions, facial expressions, word choices, I give my full reading of what I think the person is all about. The fact of it all is that I will never come close to comprehension because this person’s knowledge, thought and consciousness are completely hidden from me, besides the expressions of the physical body. Just like me, this person is also an actor, hiding himself.

Lately I’ve felt lost in the art of acting. I feel that I am damn good at it and can use it most definitely to my advantage, but I need to express myself truly. It’s a weird thing to feel like you’re trapped in your own mind, unable to fully express yourself. With all the acting that we do in a day, how do any of us know who we really are?

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

A Loss of Direction "Part 2"

The buzz of Jeff’s cell phone nearly shook me out of my skin. I looked him straight in the eyes at his hands, quick as a flash of lightning, reached to turn off his phone. His eye’s started tearing in fear while he trembled. It happened all so fast, but every little detail was almost slow motion with the intense rush of adrenaline that was rushing through my body. I peeked through the bushes to see if they heard anything when I realized that they had almost found us. I grabbed Jeff’s arms and pulled him up and gave him the look of death.

“Run” I whispered. It was then that he must have noticed the terror behind my eyes because he didn’t hesitate to take my lead.

We both ran as fast as we could through the woods not knowing if we would make it out alive. I don’t know how long we ran for, but neither of us stopped. We ran and ran, never looking back. I could feel my heartbeat pulsate throughout my entire body, pushing a rush of chemicals through my brainstem. Nothing seemed real, I couldn’t hear or think about anything accept running and trying to save my life.
Jeff didn’t slow down; he kept up to me the entire time. I looked back, still running and I remember Jeff staring ahead with wide eyes, but I can’t remember anything after that.

“Are you okay?” whispered Jeff while kneeling over top of me.

“What are you doing?” I asked feeling and sensation of uneasiness in my stomach. Everything was disorienting. The walls seemed as if they were pulsating and there was a sharp pain in my head. I looked around the room at plywood walls, some of the boards were rotting with holes and there were bugs everywhere. There was an old tin can lying on the floor beside me and garbage piled against every wall. The place smelled like a swamp. It almost looked like a shed made completely out of trash. “Where are we?”

“I don’t know.”

“What do you mean you don’t know? I just wake up in some shack and you have no idea where we are? Were we captured? Are they going to torture us?”

“Stop with all the questions. You ran head on into a tree while you were looking back. You were completely out cold. I had to carry your ass through the woods.”

“You carried me?”

“Yeah I did, thank me later and think about how we are going to get out of this.”
We both sat silent, looking at each other, our minds racing with thoughts.

“Jeff... Where are we?”

“I don’t know, I found this shack in the woods and decided to hide you here until you gained consciousness.”

Looking around at the place, I started to feel uneasy. We had no idea exactly where we were and we were hiding out in some random shack that was just set up in the middle of the woods.

“Jeff... What if this place belongs to them?”

Monday, August 23, 2010

Rage Wonder?

Why does everybody like violence so much? I try to avoid fighting as much as I can, but sometimes it still seems to be unavoidable. It’s the worst when you are just trying to relax and have a good time when some roid raging monkey comes out of the bar looking for anyone smaller than him to fight. Of course I am one of the first ones that these people want; only being 135 pounds, an easy target. It pisses me off more than anything to be unwillingly pushed into a violent situation with someone that you don’t even know. But thanks to the best of friends who are always there to back me up, I’ve managed to escape nearly every situation.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

In the Moment

Today I noticed the coldness of fall starting to creep upon me. The days are getting a little shorter every night and I know that it isn’t long until winter stalks me for a whole new year. It’s about this time every year that I feel like I am going crazy. I have two weeks of full time work left, and then my entire lifestyle will once again be changed. I am going to be forced to leave everything behind to start my third year of university. I shouldn’t be nervous, I’ve already had two successful years, but at the beginning of every year, anxiety consumes me. Once I have a friend group and turn the campus into a building of comfort, everything will be okay, but running wildly, trying to find new classes, not knowing anybody, it’s all a little overwhelming.